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And so, after months of dithering, Swedish beauty Elin Nordegren has finally got rid of his philandering, two-faced golfing cheat, Tiger Woods.

That means two things: Nordegren is now hot property for single and married men everywhere with her gorgeous body and healthy bank balance.

And Tiger Woods can now pursue his favourite past time unimpeded.

Everybody’s happy.

Let the shag fest begin.

With Harry Carpenter’s passing aged 84 - barely one month after Bill McLaren’s death - two pioneering sports broadcasters have been lost in quick succession.

This time last year, two other well-known broadcasters, David Vine and Carpenter’s ITV rival, Reg Gutteridge, died within days of each other, and with these four men’s passings, there can’t be that many who worked in sports broadcasting back in the 1950s and 60s who are still with us.

Three spring to mind: the peerless pair of David Coleman (athletics, football, Olympics, Commonwealth Games) and Peter O’Sullevan (horse-racing) and motor-racing’s Murray Walker are still active. Richie Benaud (cricket) and Barry Davies (jack of all trade) both started in the 1960s.

In fact, O’Sullevan and Walker began broadcasting in the late 1940s - a link to a bygone era when TV was still in the infancy.

It’ll be a very sad day when we lose them.

So, almost a month has passed since the end of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Were they memorable games? We watched all 17 days’ coverage off ARD and ZDF. How much can Bleungberg still remember? Here goes…

1) Without a doubt, the single best moment from Vancouver: German speed skaters’ incredulous team pursuit victory over the Japanese. Trailing by almost a full second going into the final lap, how the German women pulled this out of the fire will remain with Bleungberg for a very, very long time. Conversely, how on earth did the Japanese lose that one?!

2) Sven Kramer’s sensational disqualification from the 10 000m speed skating final for stepping outside of his designated lane when going into a corner.

3) Anja Persson’s super-combined bronze - barely 24 hours after a horrific crash in the downhill.

4) Evan Lyzacek vs Evgeni Plushenko in the men’s figure-skating, and mostly the Russian’s lack of fire, and merely going through the motions in the hope of securing gold. He didn’t. However, the shocking loss of form from some of the recent (and young) European and world champions is quite alarming, which makes Punshenko’s longevity rather endearing.

5) Canada winning the ice-hockey final….mainly because it came at the end of the game..

Er…that’s it. Oh yes, Britain’s Amy Williams won gold in the skeleton. Sadly, Bleungberg wasn’t too taken by it…

Ah well.

Let’s get this out of the way, Bleungberg has always - ALWAYS - loathed Tiger Woods - in much the same way that we hate Lewis Hamilton for being smug, arrogant. We liked him when he won the US Masters in 1997, and still had time for him by the time he clinched the 2000 Open at St Andrew’s.

But it went downhill pretty much afterwards, as he started to treat golf fans with disdain and became increasingly moody, arrogant and greedy towards tournament organisers and the PGA, which kowtowed to him at every turn.

Now that his serial philandering, sex-addiction and kinky bisexuality (“After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard” etc.) have been exposed in the best ways possible, he has the temerity to ask his family and fans to forgive him, and cheer him on when he next plays golf! What a self-righteous bastard. Who the fuck does he think he is? God?!

And knowing what a sycophantic bunch of people these Americans are - golfing press, PGA, gallery of fans - no doubt they will all just bow to him and give him a rapturous reception.

His staged 15-minute apology to an invited audience was thoroughly disgusting.  Insincere, unforgiving, arrogant, and even with fake tears - it was Tiger Woods at his very, very worst. His manhug with mummy at the end of it was cringeworthy, and perfectly staged for the entire world to see.

By asking for a public forgiveness - in effect silencing any dissent from golf fans - Woods has plummed new depths as a sportsman, a person and a quasi-Buddhist.

Although the slippery French cheated defeated Ireland to win a place in this year’s World Cup, they have virtually no chance of regaining the trophy they last won in 1998.

Many blame their coach for being shit. Some blame their players for being rubbish. Many blame that cheatin’ scumbag Thierry Henry for being a smug cunt.

And the one small chance that they have in eliminating one of their fiercest rivals long before the kick-off has already disappeared - and the French football association did nothing about it.

The woman who aborted John Terry’s baby, the vampishly attractive but ’sad-looking’ Vanessa Perroncel, will not now sell her sex-history to the highest-bidding tabloid, says her PR super-guru Max Clifford.

It’s presumed that ‘JT’ has bought her silent in order to avoid further humiliation to his family at a cost of £400 000.

Many had feared that any further revelations would sour the team-spirit in the England camp, and drive an even bigger wedge between former best-buddies Terry and his teammates, notably Ms Perroncel’s former fiance, Wayne Bridge.

Those dopey bastards at the FFF have therefore completely missed out here.

By out-bidding JT for her to sell her life-story, those cheatin’ froggy scumbags could easily destroy England’s central defence before they’d even left for South Africa, and give themselves a bit of a chance during the knock-out stages.

Now, with a gagging order in hand, JT and England can breathe a sigh of relief.

When will the French ever, ever learn?!

England coach Fabio Capello limped into London to sack that philandering, roast-spitting, racist, nightclub-urinating, bottle-throwing, money-loving super-cunt John Terry as England captain, and replaced him with the dim-witted and unintelligent, equally-philandering, drug-cheating, prank-calling, orgy-loving sex tape threesome star and well-known sword-crosser Rio Ferdinand.

What’s wrong with Steven Gerrard?! He got acquitted of affray last year!

If England fails to win the World Cup, the number of people they can now blame is endless, starting with Capello, then JT, then Rio, then Vanessa Perroncel, Eidur Gudjohnsen etc etc etc…

BBC Sport have chosen Guy Mowbray to be their new voice of football.

Good choice.

In light of Andy Murray reaching his first Australian Open final, and a fine comeback by Justine Henin, we at Bleungberg have decided to pick our top ten tennis matches of the last decade. We make no apologies for the fact that many of these came a) at Wimbledon or b) during 5am or similar…

So, here goes: (in no particular order)

1) 2003 Australian Open Men’s QF: Andy Roddick beat Younis el Ayouni 4-6, 7-6, 4-6, 6-4, 21-19. It went on, and on, and on, and on, and finished at 3am local time. At the end, the two players dropped their rackets and Roddick went over to hug el Ayouni, saying “he’ll never play another match like that and he grew up a lot during that single match.’. He did - the 2009 Wimbledon final against Roger Federer in which he came off worse in the fifth set at 16-14.

2) 2008 Men’s Wimbledon Final: Federer vs Nadal Round 3. Yes, best final ever in terms of quality and drama.

3) 2009 Women’s US Open SF: Kim Clijsters beat Serena Williams, who was defaulted for two code violations. Watching tennis at 4am had never been more fun.

4) 2009 Men’s Autralian Open Final: Federer vs Nadal: we watched this match in Manila, and because it went on for so long, we didn’t have dinner until 10.30pm. Federer should’ve won the match and likewise, the US Open final later that year. Would have been a calender slam…

5) 2006 Women’s Australian Open Final/Wimbledon Final: Henin vs Mauresmo Parts 1 & 2: Henin created history by quitting midway through the second set in Melbourne, thus handing Mauresmo a maiden but unfulfilled Grand Slam title. Critics remained unconvinced, but the stylish Frenchwoman put that right with an incredible triumph against Henin half a year later at SW19. No one doubted her talents again - well, maybe with the exception of Mauresmo herself….

6) 2006 Women’s Wimbledon Final: Lindsey Davenport vs Venus Williams. Live 8 was delayed on BBC1, as the two Americans battled it out in the longest final ever. Davenport should’ve clinched victory in the second set but somehow didn’t, and handed Venus another title at SW19 in a titantic third set (9-7). Sweet revenge, too, for Venus as she’d lost at Wimbledon in 2004 when the umpire called out the wrong scores during a tie-break in the fourth round, with Venus going on to lose the match.

7) 2004 Men’s French Open Quarter-Final: Henman vs Juan Ignacio Chela. Henman never played well at Roland Garros, so it was a surprise that he reached the semis, beating renowned clay-courter Chela in the process. Henman went on to lose to Guillermo Coria in the next match (he really should’ve won that), but Bleungberg will always remember the look of incredulity on Henman’s face as he shook hands with Chela after thrashing him in the QF. The Coria-Gaston Gaudio final was a shocker, too, with the latter winning 0–6 3–6 6–4 6–2 8–6, saving match points, overcoming nerves, bouts of cramp and some truly, shocking tennis. Gaudio never won another slam, whilst Coria quit the sport under a cloud….

8 ) 2001 Men’s Wimbledon final: Rafter vs Ivanesevic - first Monday final, three-day Henman semi, wild-card victory; enough said. Watched the whole thing in Byron Bay in Australia.

9) 2000 Men’s Wimbledon final: Sampras vs Rafter - Sampras’s date with history, and a 9pm finish in total darkness after numerous rain-delays. Sweet.

10) 2005 Women’s US Open final: Kim Clijsters vs Mary Pierce - not a great final (marginally more competitive than the horrible French Open final that year which also featured Pierce) but remembered as Clijsters’s maiden Grand Slam. Questions were constantly asked of her credentials as a world number one without a Slam, and she answered all her critics in style here - repeating the feat in 2009 by coming out of retirement by winning as a wild-card.

Just missing out: Safin beating Federer in the 2005 Australian Open Semi-final, Elena Dementieva’s shocking serves in the 2004 Slam finals against Myskina and Kuznetsova, the 2003 Davis Cup Final between Australia and Spain in which the Aussies playing the old Franco national anthem to deliberately spite their rivals (who went on to win), Gasquet surviving cramp in an epic five-setter in the 2006 US Open, and Hingis against Clijsters in the 2007 US Open final QF.

Marat Safin & Amelie Mauresmo: two champions who lit up Bleungberg’s living room for best part of a decade…often at some ungodly hours during various Australian or US Opens. Physically, they were great to watch. But 90% of the time, it was to see whether they could cope mentally, and more often than not, Mauresmo would crumble whilst Safin raged against anything in his sight.

But when they were on song, they were always entertaining - and memorable.

2006 Australian Open, Wimbledon winner

2000 US Open champion

2005 Australian Open champion

Whilst watching Fernando Verdasco at the Australian Open the other day, Bleungberg was slightly disturbed by the rituals the Spaniard went through: both pre-match and in between games: towelling, ball-bouncing, and most disturbing of all: the neat rearrangment of his water bottles in between games by his seat.

All of these first surfaced during last autumn’s Paris Masters event, and have continued ever since.

We wonder if he’ll actually win something significant this year….none of these rituals seem to have done his compatriot and the equally-superstitous Rafa Nadal any good during the last 12 months!