bleungberg.com

Looking at this picture, Bleungberg couldn’t help but think that Critiano Ronaldo looks:

a) like a well-toned Sri Lankan.

b) those aliens at Roswell. Roasted.

Well, at least it wasn’t Helen Worth, aka Gail Platt from Coronation Street!

He might have won the high court battle against the News of the World.

He might have survived a vote of no-confidence at an FIA emergency meeting in Paris by intimidating the lesser confederations into submission.

He might have weathered the storm after being snubbed by sheikhs and royalty at various Grand Prix events around the world.

But this has been a pyrrhic victory for evil.

To bleungberg, Max Mosley, FIA Chairman is still a dirty, filthy, wrinkly old cunt. We have nothing against his fetish for severe lashings or S&M orgies until his saggy bum bleeds like hell. However, we really do object to his arrogance and unrepentence whilst continuing to swan off around the world in his private jet, bemoaning the stress all this had caused him, as if he was the victim of a sting.

He moane incessantly d about the humiliation he has had to endure after the tabloid’s expose, and that it had caused his family considerable heartache, in particular, his devoted wife.

Well, I’m sorry, but didn’t he bring it upon himself? As a married man, he should’ve known better and been more responsibility in controlling his wrinkly penis. His reputation is in tatters, but his long-suffering wife has to suffer far worse than just the loss of dignity. This is an unforgivable betrayal for Mrs Mosley who probably wondered what his multi-millionaire husband was upto in some of the most glamorous parts of the world.

If Mrs Mosley had any senses, she should subject her randy cunt of a sick husband to conselling, and to immediately file for divorce - sue the fucker, bankrupt him, and let him rot in hell.

Sir Trevor McDonald has admitted to be more than a social drinker - downing a bottle of wine every night before bed.

Sir Trev - a wino - at the age of 69!!

Bleungberg loves it!!

Andi Peters - former CBBC presenter, Live and Kicking host, head of T4, rolving reporter on Pop Idol etc etc etc.

This just feels wrong. It feels, erm, paedophiliac.

Bleungberg is a bit slow with what’s been happening in Hong Kong of late, and to be honest, we wouldn’t normally have missed a great deal of things. Now however, it would seem that February 2008 was something of a watershed moment for the former British colony.

Firstly, Fei Fei died. In any other month or week, that would have dominated the news agenda for weeks. But no, it has been utterly eclipsed by the biggest sex scandal EVER to have erupted in Hong Kong between a Cantopop star and his harem of celebrity sex partners.

Edison Chen (who?) sent his laptop in for repair, forgot to delete lots and lots (10 000 apparently) of sexually explicit photos and videos of himself and some female pop stars and heiresses. We’re not easily shocked here at Bleungberg and even we can’t quite believe what we’ve been seeing: they are so intimate - from oral sex to female masturbation - images that would have shocked rather than titillated the readers.

We do feel sorry for the stars involved - one person’s mistake has now ruined seven people’s lives. To those not familiar with Hong Kong’s celebrity landscape, singers and pop stars are seen as role models and generally quite wholesome, upstanding representatives of their generations. But after seeing these imagines (women fingering herself doggy-style), it’s all rather embarrassing for the whole 20-something generation and completely blows away preconceptions of shyness and then Chinese women fuck with a squeak.

The other thing which worries us is what on earth is a parent supposed to say to the younger readers who might have seen these pictures? How do you explain the jaw-suction during a blow-job or a man munching on the hairy bit between a woman’s legs? The most obvious question though must be why is it so bushy down under? Call us perverted, but we’re really not used to seeing so much hair on any nude photos or videos. We had no idea who any of these people were beforehand. Now, we feel as though we know their private parts better than their faces!

That said, we’re glad it’s so scandalous, so filthy, and so shocking. Who cares if the man in question had to go into hiding in Boston because the triads put a $500 000 bounty on Chen’s right-hand for ’shagging’ one of their girls? Or that Chen staged a press conference to announce his immediate retirement from showbiz? Or that one of the girls tried to commit suicide?! We’re glad that all of these keep rumbling on with more pictures and new twists in the arrests of those who released the pictures. We’re just very glad that Fei Fei died during it. We’re just glad that airtime which would normally have been given to her has instead been devoted to cocks, pussies and multiple-angled blow-jobs.

Alex Curran, the surgically-enhanced wife of England captain, Steven Gerrard, looks stunning in the picture below. Shame nothing’s real up front!

Meanwhile, Coleen McLoghlin, finacee of ugly brat Wayne Rooney might not look as fit as Curran - at least she’s all au naturel and for that, it’s thumbs up to Colleen.

Thick as shit though.

Bleungberg’s favourite word for 2007 - HARVESTING.

Definition: rich footballers prowling Harvey Nichols and Selfridges for fit, impressionable and dumb totties for their rowdy and anything-goes sex parties. A harvest inevitably leads to a roasting. That’s five men fucking one of the women plucked from the harvest.

It’s about time we brought Bleungberg downmarket - and what better than some clevage, a digitally enhanced bulge, and a peacock-like blow-job mouth?

A week ago, I was being drenched by the rain in Guatemala City. You know what, that brings back happy memories for me - though it was a shame that I couldn’t stay in the very nice hotel for longer than seven hours (it was a bloody nice two-bedroom suite, and for just £50). Plus my durable umbrella got pinched. Nevermind, I miss the place. No, in fact, I miss the rice-and-beans. Arroz y frijoles. Yum. Oh, and the fried chicken, the jelly and ice-creams….hmm.