bleungberg.com

Michael Jackson - King of Pop reaches his half century today.

 By far the youngest celeb paedo that we know of!

Monday 25th August saw the extremely glamorous Laurence Ferrari make her debut as anchor of France’s number one news programme, TF1’s 20.00 bulletin. Not only did Ms Ferrari look gorgeous, she appeared to be authoritative, and is a marked improvement on the old and manky-looking Patrick Poivre d’Arvor who’d occupied that chair for over two decades until July this year. As for the content of the broadcast - well, who cares!

What was also interesting is that her opposite number on lesser-watched France 2 bulletin also came back from his summer break, and looking smart.

Bleungberg always thought David Pujadas resembled a little chimp reading the news - probably due to his hairy arms and mixed-parentage with a bit of Catalonian blood thrown in - and was plesantly surprised to see a less chimp-like haircut and smarter presentation style.

Looks like a ratings battle and style over substance have commenced. Interesting learn that Ferrari’s been shedding viewers all week, whilst Pujadas’s has remained pretty constant, though still trailing those of TF1 by almost 3 million.

Guess it’s first blood to the blonde!

Clinton I, Clinton II, Gore, Biden, Kerry, Obama mama, Obama all lapped it up at the highly watchable Democratic National Convention this past week with rousing speeches, and music from Michael McDonald and Sheryl Crow to name but a few.

But where was Jimmy Carter? The only US President to have achieved more AFTER leaving office was nowhere to be seen. He said he declined a spot on the podium in order to concentrate on making a film about New Orleans on the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, instead offering his help behind the scene ‘whatever way he can’.

How noble. Here is a man not bothered by attention or ego and just goes about helping the world in his own little way. Sure, he wasn’t the greates US President but it’d be hard to find a better ex-US President than old Jimmy.

Georgia’s ill-fated war with Russia has now resulted in a suspension of all diplomatic ties between the two warring neighbours. Ambassadors are being recalled, and embassy staff are being withdrawn from both T’blisi and Moscow.

That’s just great(!) With South Ossetia and Abkazia being absorbed into the Russian Federation, there’s even less of Georgia to visit now, with much of it probably out of bounds anyway thanks to destruction and landmines. The whole scenario thus presents a nightmare to those of us who wish to travel around the region in the near future.

Visitors to the Caucasus already have to put up with the annoyance of having to go from Turkey to Armenia via Georgia because the first two refuse to open up their borders to one another So rather than crossing a ravine, one has to take a two-day detour just to get from one of the hill to the other.

Landlocked Armenia itself cuts through Azerbaijan, preventing people from Nakhichevan in the west from travelling to the coastal region by land. In addition, disputes over the Nagorno-Karabakh region means you can only go there via Armenia - eventhough it’s techincally within Azerbaijan - and any evidence of visits to the disputed territory in your passport means automatic refusal into Azerbaijan. Lastly, a continuing trade-blockade from Turkey and Azerbaijan make reconciliations between the two neightbours highly unlikely.

In nearby Turkey and Iran, the border with Iraq is already closed, and with diplomatic problems flaring up between Russia and the Ukraine, those of us who yearn to travel to this particular region by train are facing a logistical nightmare for years and years to come, with lots of detours and timewasting.

Bleungberg is not an early-riser, and has not had the privilege to watch GMTV for more than twenty minutes in any given year. Not that we’re missing much, of course, as GMTV was and - from what we saw recently - remains one of the worst programmes ever on British television. Just as it should be.

It likes to see itself an agenda-setting, serious news programme to rouse Britons out of bed. Instead, its anchors sit around a dated 1980s-style set, mixing crap politics with lightweight Hollywood nonsense. Presented by a bunch of half-wits including the unbearably smug Ben Shepherd, the whole concept lacks gravitas and limps along embarrassingly.

It’s been on the air for almost two decades now, and, much like a battered racehorse, is looking tired and in desperate need to be humanely destroyed. If the executive producers had been smart, they should’ve done that at the turn of the century when the BBC cleverly ditched its old and rather snooty Breakfast News after the Sydney Olympics, and relaunched it with a more relaxed but equally newsy successor, mixing intelligent chats with clever irreverence.

GMTV, on the other hand, has been left to languish in the pits, all the while conning its audience out of millions for faking phone competitions. No wonder BBC Breakfast’s audience has risen steadily and now regularly beats its commercial rival by over 1 million viewers.

It was therefore great to hear that Fiona Phillips (below), the long-time gormless host of GMTV - most famous for bumbling her way through the broadcast on the morning Diana got killed eleven years ago this weekend - is quitting for pastures new. In a way, it’s sad because those of us who cannot tolerate Phillips will be bereft of ammunition in gunning down the ditzy blonde and laughing at her dreadful interviews.

Much like her predecessor - the talentless and equally flaky Anthea Turner - Philipps has been fully responsible for dragging this awful franchise further down the drains by posing increasingly banal questions to her guests, be it Gordon Brown or Heather Mills, Orvill or Jade Goody. After all, she’s been doing the show long enough to be held accountable for all the shit that it broadcasts.

With her departure, it might just provide the show’s producer with the perfect impetus to finally pull the plug on the programme - eventually. Three women are tipped to replace Phillips, and the gormless trio of Kate Gerraway, Kate Silverton and Natasha Kaplinsky are the perfect mix which will surely bring about GMTV’s demise sooner rather than later.

All three claim to be serious journalists, though Bleungberg would prefer to see them as mere autocue readers or Strictly Come Dancing contestants. Gerraway in particular has even less credentials than Phillips and is not the most likable presenter on the box.

Meanwhile, self-centred Silverton is nothing but an autocue totty whose lack of presentation skills was horribly exposed during the shambolic British Olympians’ return to Heathrow on Bank Holiday Monday on BBC1. Not only did she miss her links and failed to do her homework in identifying her guests (unforgivable), she covered up her shortcomings by pouting her way through that horrendous broadcast and showing viewers the back of her egocentric head.

As for Kaplinsky, well, another ratings-grabber whose journalistic credentials are best not revealed.

With such a horrible short-list, the franchise’s days are well and truly numbered should either one of them get the job.

Whichever bimbo that gets her hands on the £500 000-a-year contract as Andrew Castle’s sidekick should definitely make sure they have alternatives lined-up afterwards.

We are backing Silverton all the way, by the way. Bleungberg can’t think of a better way to save the BBC £150 000 a year just for hiring her to read autocue.

In addition, Silverton’s appointment would take out Gerraway whose position will become untenable on the show. No doubt, Ms Gerraway will be mightily miffed at being overlooked for the top-spot, after a lengthy tenure as Phillipp’s deputy for years. Her ego will not allow her to stay on the show, meaning a hasty departure and further turmoil at GMTV, and deep satisfaction at Bleungberg.

GO KATE!

Mamma Mia - is she hot or not? Well, relatively speaking anyway.

Senile birthday boy John McCain has picked a woman almost half his age to be his running-mate (and share intimate dinners with) for the General Election - a bit like dad going to his daughter’s graduation. And for a politician, Governor Sarah Palin is smokin’ hot!

Sure, the whole partnership looks rather like a dirty old man copping off with some gormless tart, but Bleungberg was very taken by her speech in accepting the challenge. We didn’t listen to what she said specifically - usual vitriol on guns, abortion, gay rights and Iraq aren’t really our kind of things - because we just couldn’t take our eyes off her. Behind those glasses and smart suit gives an impression that she’s probably no push-over and competent, and probably very good in bed. Call us perverted but we couldn’t help but imagine what it must be like to be blown by her.

Mind you, Bleungberg always thought John McCain looked pretty good when he was younger - half a century or so ago… - and if he was her age, hooking up with this Palin bird, what a ‘hot ticket’ that would be?!

It is a risk though; Palin looks so glamorous, young and full of vitality at the rally that McCain just seemed even more senile than before. And having the deputy showing you up is never a good thing.

Anyway….so whoever wins the election, history will be made: a black (alright then, half-black) man could be president, or a woman will be the VP. Unless some extremists decide to alter things a little bit, of course.  Poor Obama, he made the speech of his life just 17 hours ago, and the circus has moved on already to a rival young, hot totty.

If there is one non-sporting abiding image from the Beijing Olympics, then it must surly be the stiffness of the People’s Liberation Army during the flag-changing ceremonies inside the Bird’s Nest Stadium.

The way these soldiers march never ceases to amaze me; not only do they look scary and, well, stiff, but they look so embarrassing on television. Forget the little girl who was caught miming - wasn’t that bloody obvious to anybody watching? - or the cringe-worthy, politically-correct London 2012 eight-minute presentation, or the scruffy mayor of London despeartely trying to look authoritative in front of a billion plus people, the PLA showed up the organisers time and time again, and make China look bad. Is it really necessary to have them marching like robots just to raise a flag?

And what’s with these hands in the air Nazi-style for the Chinese during a rendition of the national anthem? Its lyrics are bloody-thirsty enough already and there’s really no need for any visual reminders of an equally horrendous regime before an audience of billions.

Bleungberg was also very annoyed with the decision taken by the Games organiser to dress some of the dancers in several ethnic costumes in order to promote Chinese unity. Somewhat ironic we thought given the fact that all the performers were all Han Chinese! Again, blatantly obvious to anyone who vaguely knows what Chinese people look like, but the rest of the world had been fooled into thinking China is united and happy and glorious.

The Games’s VP Wang Wei boasted that,

“It is typical for Chinese performers to wear different apparel from different ethnic groups. There is nothing special about it…..they will wear different apparel to signify people are friendly and happy together.”

Great answer! And typically evasive from the communist party. Yes, the Games were visually stunning, and the organisation seemed fantastic, but China is in trouble, and its people know it. Pity the rest of the world doesn’t.

Don’t know about you, but this beastly face reminds me of another wrinkly old beast… the giant tortoise in the opening credit of the BBC sitcom, ‘One Foot In The Grave’!

Bleungberg has not seen a more disgusting picture than this horrible beast in a long, long time.

Not only does this revolting paedophile look truly horrific in that nasty-looking beard, his fashion sense beggars belief! This is someone who’s well into his seventh decade, and yet dresses like a 20-year-old out on the pull on a Saturday night.

He defiles me. He should die. Now.