bleungberg.com

Sky Sports’s coverage of any matches involving Andy Murray have long been unwatchable no thanks to the sychophantic Mark Petchey, lead commentator and former coach to the young Scot.

Petchey’s commentary is everything that is wrong about sports broadcasting today; rather than objectively relaying to the audience what is happening on court, ‘Petch’ resorts to Murray’s past glories and times the two spent together, frequently interrupting himself with hyperbole and orgasmic screams over a Murray pass or double-fisted backhand - like a love-sick teenager. Anything that is remotely good is praised, whilst the lesser shots or unforced errors are largely glossed over.

Murray’s excellent run at Flushing Meadows has led to an ever-more despearate Petchey struggling to find increasingly outrageous superlatives to describe his former pupil’s game. As Murray has a habit of stretching his matches to over four hours, can you imagine how exacebated and exhausting viewers must be by the end of this?

Critics joked a number of years ago that the a drooling Garth Crooks interviewing then England manager Sven Goran Eriksson was the first time ever that the BBC had broadcast ‘two men having sex on prime time’.

Well, if we use that analogy, then during these past few fortnight, we’ve had a horny and orgasmic Mark Petchey repeatedly wanking over a young Scot - day, evening and night. All live. A masturbatory first on British television.

This fawning has now reached a stage where the mute button is the only option to get through a Murray match. Sadly, Radio 5 Live is not a viable option as satellite coverage is some three seconds behind radio, thus making it impossible to mute Petchey.

The only way round this tricky problem is to relegate Petchey to co-commentator, relying on him for analysis rather than a ‘play-by-play’ role. As the analyst, he could say whatever he like for all we care. A lead commentator is supposed to be objective; the co-pilot can be as biased as he/she likes.

Failing that, we could always get him sacked - just not in time for the Final today….

Outgoing Secretary of State Condi Rice touched down in Tripoli this weekend to pay a high-profile and oil-driven  visit to multiple-Lockerbie murderer, Colonel Gaddafi, stressing renewed ties between the former foes and a return to normalising relations after nearly five decades of open hostility.

The ice-breaker was Libya’s admission in ordering the Pan-Am bombing over Lockerbie twenty years ago, and a promise to repatriate compensation to victims of the terrorist attack.

A sycophantic Tony Blair paved the way for the rapprochement a few years ago when he paid Gaddafi a visit and sickeningly complimented on the dictator’s health by grinning, ‘You’re looking well!’ before the world’s press.

Naturally, Bush and his right-hand woman saw this as an opportunity to seek better ties with Libya and a money-grabbing moment to nab some of its vast natural resources, including oil.

When asked by CNN whether she had come to Libya to get her hands on the oil, Rice unsurprisingly dodged the question and yapped on about diplomacy and fighting terrorism. Yeah, whatever!

Mind you, Condi isn’t the only one - even Italy’s been at it.

Just last week, that world-famous crook Silvio Berlusconi apologised to Libya for the first time ever over his country’s colonial misdemeanours sixty years ago.

In the intervening years, Gaddafi had ordered a few stray missiles to land near Italian waters and a few even landed on Italian soil, scaring the shits out of the the mafia.

And why the sudden apology? Again, probably with oil in mind.

All these despite the fact that Gaddafi hasn’t yet paid out to any of the Pan Am 103 victims, coupled with the extraordinary admission by Gaddafi’s son that his country owned up to the bombing just to please the UN and have the long-imposed sanctions lifted. This frank admission is both astonishing and sickening in equal measure.

How must the Lockerbie victims’ families be feeling when they see pictures of Blair and Rice being greeted by someone who order the murders of their relatives, and to be then betrayed by their own governments in return for oil and gas?? And not just Lockerbie victims - what about the Munich Olympics massacre, Berlin nightclub bombing victims etc etc??

Gaddafi is responsible for all of these - and should be hanged like Saddam, not feted like some kind of new best friend of the West.

Slained Benazir Bhutto’s dodgy widower, Asif Ali Zardari has been proclaimed President of Pakistan, after years in exile amidst corruption probes and rumours of mental illnesses.

Zardari’s rise came on the back of his equally slippery wife’s headline-grabbing assassination last December, and the resignation of the dictator-cum-crook Pervez Musharref a few days ago.

A new president probably means more of the same for Pakistan in the foreseeable future - until somebody decides to get rid of Zardari anyway.

This never-ending and viscious cycle of violence will continue - such as the 18 people killed in a car bomb today in Peshawar.

As per usual, the army will be watching things closely, ready to pounce and oust Zardari at the first opportunity, and Zardari will likely begin purging and elimintating his enemies as soon as the presidency begins.

The West will struggle to impose any kind of power over the lawless regions bordering Afghanistan. In addition, Al-Qaeda will be looking at every possible opportunity to retaliate against the Pakistani top-brass.

Throwing in the usual conflicts with India over Kashmir and the obligatory earthquake/flood that will no doubt cause mayhem and carnage to this troubled nation, one wonders why Zardari actually wants this job….

….Oh yes, money. Lots of it! Siphoned off into some dodgy off-shore account somewhere in the Caribbean or Liechtenstein!

God, some people can be so fucking greedy!

What have Spain’s TVE done by replacing its iconic logo (above) with this crap?

Looking back on a truly wonderful summer of sport for 2008, three countries’ achievements stand out for Bleungberg.

Spain’s exploits are pretty obvious: their national football side lifted the Euro 2008 crown, whilst Rafa Nadal conquered nearly all from the European clay-court season via Roland Garros to Wimbledon and the Beijing Olympics.

Meanwhile, their cyclists have virtually monopolised everything on the tarmac, including Samuel Sanchez’s gruelling road-race gold in Beijing. That came after former Tour winner Alberto Contador had won the Giro d’Italia, and of course, Carlos Sastre’s triumph in the Tour de France.

The gold rush might yet continue if Alejandro Valverde can complete the grand tour triple-crown for Spain if he can win La Vuelta on homesoil.

Murray, of course, has also had a pretty decent summer, including his first-ever Grand Slam final appearance at the US Open, which came on the back of his first-ever quarter-final at Wimbledon - losing to eventual champion Nadal - as well as a maiden Masters title at Cincinatti. He didn’t do so well in Beijing, but his country surely did - 19 golds and 47 medals in all. In between, speedy Manx Mark Cavendish also brought home FOUR stage victories in the Tour de France.

But one other country’s performance this summer has also been very eye-catching: Luxembourg.

Not renowned for its sporting prowess, the tiny population of this landlocked dukedom has more than punched its weight above its more illustrious rivals in some of the most competitive contests.

The highlights have to be at Le Tour where they had two maillot jeune wearers and susequent top-10 finishers in Kim Kirchen and Frank Schleck. Frank’s brother, Andy, also took home the white jersey for best young rider in Le Tour.

Luxembourg’s above-average performance this summer was bookended by Gilles Muller’s terrific run as a qualifier at Flushing Meadows, pushing defending champion Roger Federer hard in three sets.

Well done to Gilles, and well done to their cyclists, and well done to truly outstanding summer of sporting achievements for Luxembourg.

Ever since she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, Jade Goody has barely been off the television or front-pages of the tabloids.

And on each occasion, we are treated to the full Goody treatment: hysterical interviews about her impending battle with cancer, the possibility of losing her kids, tears streaming down her surgically-enhanced face, saliva drooling out of her trout-pout, screaming how she’d live (or not) without her thuggish boyfriend who’s been jailed for a brutal assault.

And now, news has emerged she’s admitted to have smoked crack-cocaine in a bid to help her drug addled mother to kick the habit.

Well, we say ‘news has emerged’ but it’s pretty obvious that it’s more ‘news has been leaked deliberately by Max Clifford in a bid to drum up even more money for his client and to attract public sympathy’ for this despicable human trash.

Bleungberg’s favourite moment actually came a week ago on Monday - the day her boyfriend was sentenced to prison for 18 months for beating up some kid with golf clubs.

Knowing full well the fate that could befall her beloved Jack later that day, she spent the morning on a publicity round - not to raise awareness of cancer but to promote her illness - namely on GMTV’s sofa, grilled by a gormless Fiona Phillips.

Later that day, pictures were released showing a ‘visibly upset’ Goody picking her kids after the court verdict. These were then followed by more obligatory sob-stories and interviews released to the media.

This whole illness is now a PR-business in itself, and is already well past the pass-the-sick-bucket stage. We’ve no idea how long this media circus will go on for. What we do know is that Living TV has already struck a deal with Goody and Clifford to ‘chronicle her battle against cancer’.

In other words, more money for Goody and Clifford, more publicity, and more sickening insight into a horrible bunch of people.

And what does this say about TV executives who commissioned this show?

Are they hoping for a dramatic and premature death in order to drum up ratings? What next? ‘Living…with Cheeky Girls giving birth together’??

Despicable.

Paul McCartney and Gordon Ramsey have got into a fight, over the latter’s ’stupid’ remarks about vegetarianism.

Long-time veggie McCartney is said to be livid at Ramsey when the the chef repeatedly criticised vegetarianism in his Channel 4 show, and has apparently persuaded 50 veggies to try some veal. (We hope it’s veal kidneys…yum yum!)

McCartney said, ‘It’s not up to me if he talks stupid or not….I think it’s a case of live and let live…”

HOLD THAT THOUGHT, McCARTNEY!

‘”Live and let live”?!?!

Are you exploiting your vegetarianism to plug your old tunes again? Quoting out of ‘Live And Let Die’ to criticise Ramsey?! Can anyone really be that self-centred?

Are you really that desperate, McCartney? Did Heather Mills clean you up?

What a despicable and opportunistic fool.

Bleungberg doesn’t like Ramsey much, but we loathe McCartney more!